Tinkerbell

I had to say good bye to a friend this weekend. A friend of fifteen years. My cat Tinkerbell, aka Num Nums. I’d had her since 2004, and from house to house, job to job, she’d been my constant. 

She was an asshole. Everyone thought so, because she was. She was moody, more so than a typical cat. I refused to declaw her, because after she was spayed she hid under the bed for three days and wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t bring myself to cause any pain to come to her, so I left her claws in. I got scratched because of it, but not as much as some of my friends and family did.

Fifteen years she meowed at me, letting me know she needed food, or water, or that she had left me a hairball. She constantly went places she shouldn’t go, and I’d have to track her down – hoping I didn’t get fresh scratches. 

When I brought the dog home to meet her, she could care less. She had her space, and she’d tolerate him well enough. But she batted him in the nose more than once.

She passed peacefully in her sleep on Friday, and it’s just not the same without her.

Authenticity

“One must know what one wants to be,” the eighteenth-century French mathematician Émilie du Châtelet wrote in weighing the nature of genius. (From Brain Pickings).

Lots of smart people have spoken or written about being true to yourself. Why is that? What is so important about being your authentic self?

There are two elements to this. The first is: an authentic person is doing that thing which she was put here to do. The feeling of absolute joy that comes from being authentic is contagious, and that’s why authentic people are viewed as charismatic, agreeable, and engaging.

Everyone has a purpose. And, according to Oprah Winfrey, ‘Your real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you are meant to be, and begin to honor your calling in the best way possible.'” (Oprah’s new book, The Path Made Clear).

The other element is the concern of authenticity preventing some from showing up. As Seth Godin puts it in his interview on the Tim Ferriss show, “Which means, and this is someplace I’ve gotten in trouble before, authenticity is totally overrated, totally. That I don’t want an authentic surgeon who says, ‘I don’t really feel like doing knee surgery today.’ I want a professional who shows up whatever they feel like, right?

While I view that as a valid point, and I greatly admire Seth Godin and all the work he’s done (I’ve read a number of his books, some multiple times), I believe that this example is more about a lazy authenticity, rather than it being authentic.

The surgeon in Godin’s example is (hopefully) being authentic in being a surgeon. That’s what fuels his life. If he come in and says he doesn’t feel like doing knee surgery today, then it’s not in line with his authentic self. Or, he didn’t want to be a knee surgeon to begin with.

Authenticity, in my view, is something that will give us energy.

Now I do believe that we may find ourselves aligned to our authenticity, while not fully being authentic. That’s why you see so many Generation X and Y switching careers, rather than staying in one for their whole life. (One of the reasons.) Because they are searching for authenticity. But in the job you’re doing – the one you’ve agreed to do for the time being – you still need to show up. To do your best.

Monday, Monday, Monday

New job starting this morning. It’s important to remember, heading into a new job, that while you may know a lot about the industry or even the company, you may not know everything about what’s specifically going to occur. Go in with an open mind, be prepared to learn, and do your best.

Days gone by

Lots of changes over the past four weeks – job change, new ventures began, and plans coalescing.

I’ve been guilty of misusing my personal resources, and I’ve forgiven myself for that.

When the bulk of your decision making power is spent before you’ve started the real work, you’re wasting your potential. Minimize, reduce, and evaluate your value-adding activities.

The problem with applications

I’ve filled out a lot of applications. Online mostly, though still some on paper. The online revolution and conversion was ushered in between the times that I was looking for work. In 2003 I fell into my first after high school job, which I don’t even recall if I filled out an application for. It was an office manager for a nonprofit, and until the office space we had was lost, I thought it was going okay. I learned a lot about business skills in that one-man shop, though maybe not enough.

After that, I started what could have been my first career I suppose you could say. Had I not resigned to pursue professional acting, maybe I’d still be there. It was a service organization affiliated with NASCAR, and while I have many problems with the way some of that went down, I can remember fondly my times at the track.

I think from there I learned that work should be fun. Could be fun, at the very least. I was a highly effective worker, and given increasing responsibility during my time there. (In five years, I received two promotions and was asked to handle several increasing complicated aspects of the job – mostly related to computer systems or point-of-sales.) And I had fun, mostly. When the crowds started slowing to the races, then concern gripped the corporatists – cut budgets, watch the bottom dollar, churn out the returns. 

But we’re not robots. Not cogs that, if tightened, can produce two more widgets. (This theme has been coming up recently – the production of widgets.)

Long story short, when it was time to go, I knew it was time to go. The exact phrasing of my last meeting with my boss and my boss’s boss (Office Space anyone?) went like this:

My Boss: “It’s either you quit your outside activities and commit to this, or you should go somewhere else.”

Me: “I have my two weeks notice ready. Let me grab it for you.”

Now my outside activities were my first volunteer endeavors with community theatre, and I had requested a day off a week after the Daytona 500 to be involved with a professional production of an opera. Whether or not either of us were right or wrong is just a lot of conjecture, but we both did what we did. 

I go by my gut a lot. Every job I’ve known it was time to leave, I went ahead and did it. Sometimes without a safety net. Thankfully, I’ve managed to land on my feet. (This time is a little harder, as I’m more keenly aware of the level of debt I’m carrying from my student loans.)

So when I go out and look for those jobs, and I come to a website where I am filling out over and over again the same information. Name. Number. Address. Work history. Education. Etc., etc.

Exactly why we have resumes. And, truth be told, nearly all of my jobs have come through people I knew, or people who knew those people. Not online applications. So what then is the point there? 

When they ask you in their application (posted online, and responded to in the same way by every applicant) “what about this company makes you want to work here?” – the most likely honest answer is “if hired, you’ll give me a paycheck.”

Company culture isn’t bought into in an online application. And good companies will have trouble matching good applicants in that way. 

Companies – if you want good workers (and to retain them), be different. Don’t be another online application for a hopeful paycheck.

Applicants – if you want to work for a good company (and do well), be different. Bring your talents to someone who will take those talents, and let you use them. Let you fail. And then help back up.

The lives we live

I wonder how many of us shape the life that we truly want. The sheer presence of choices in how we do our daily lives – jobs, housing, spouse or SO, children, etc. – a simpler time (maybe one or two-hundred years ago) was simpler to navigate.

Choice. I know I’ve written about choice before. But, it’s true that our brain can only handle a finite number of actual decisions per day. Higher weight decisions cost more of our choice capital than choosing between coffee and tea. But the more we can automate or days, the more capital we have to make the weightier decisions.

It’s not just work either. It’s health. It’s finances. It’s relationships.

I started watching the Marie Kondo series on Netflix. I had read the book some time ago, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I’m not sure if it was pre or post-shake up in my life. Surprisingly, that altered more than just my decision-making abilities. I digress.

The couple in the first episode have one minor relationship issues. Bickering. Picking at faults perceived in the other. The capital for choice is being used stressing about house, and poor decisions are made when addressing each other.

Limiting the mess, the clutter – freeing capital – allows more data to be processed from a framework of less stress. Less stress in itself frees capital, because the mind isn’t fighting the basic fight or flight choice impulse and hormone secretions. Freeing the mind from material restraints opens up your true potential.

It’s for this. Reason the Buddha taught that desire leads to suffering. Material possessions are as a rock in a bottle floating in the sea. After so many rocks, the bottle can no longer remain afloat. It is imperative that we mindfully cultivate our possessions, and use the choice capital we have in the most productive outputs possible.

Fah-who For-aze

Welcome Christmas, come this way…

Christmas, oh Christmas.

A cold and desolate season welcomes you
to bring light, cheer, warmth and hope.

The Christmas-season is a belief,
more than it is a holiday.
More than the celebration of the messiah,
or the de facto creation of a religion.

Christmas is the embodiment of all love,
and charity becoming manifest.
That the most can provide for the least
to express nothing more than care.

There can be giving without gain,
Hope without loss,
Peace without harm,
And love without the expectation of reward.

When the Christians appropriated the
customs around the Winter Solstice,
they honored the themes of light;
of fire, charity and feasting.

Bringing about the new days,
each with longer hours of sun.
“The old has passed away.
Behold, the new has come!”

So Christmas, today and all days,
Fill us with the passion to remember love.
To remember charity,
and to provide for those less fortunate.

It isn’t in celebrating a day,
the 25th of December,
but celebrating the season
throughout the whole year that is Christmas.

Going forward

For the time being, committing to one day a week blog posting. Probably Mondays.

Feeling slightly reinvigorated after several weeks of lethargy and, to be honest, mild depression. I think the season sometimes weighs on me. Later this month will be the eight-year anniversary of the crash that took my grandmother. One of the defining moments of my life, and I believe that each year brings some relief, but with it new challenges.

I wanted to write about Halloween, and will later. A bit of a post mortem (no pun intended). I think it’s one of my favorite holidays, but I’m such a fan of most holidays that it’s hard to choose one favorite (Thanksgiving is one I’m on the fence about).

A couple other future posts include one on horror movies, the long-awaited reading lists (RA Salvatore, Patrick Rothfuss, and Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, to name a few), The Adventure Zone, my experiences in radio broadcasting, and some various theatrical experiences.

So, I’ll leave it there for today. I’ve started writing my morning pages again, a la Julie Cameron. When the seasonal affectations begin, it’s sometimes difficult to maintain focus. But, as has happened in the past, I slack off, then I pick back up. This is my meandering thought process anyway, and I find it best to write when the mind necessitates it.

Some time away

Took time away from writing. From reading. Mostly.

Stepped away from commitments, to focus more on myself.

Still not quite there.

Work has been a large part of my time. As has some volunteer activities. Eight weeks devoted to the musical Little Women, followed by three weekends of Jekyll & Hyde the musical.

I’m tired. I feel like I’m not resting enough. And my mind swirls all the time.

Next month I’ll be in Costa Rica for a week. Hopefully that will be enough refreshing time. Either way, it’s time to get back to work.

 

 

 

Growth mindset

The world is not a zero sum game. We all work towards our own self interest, but not necessarily at the expense of another’s goals.

Ask yourself – is what you’re doing benefiting only you? If it is, look for methods to include others. Collaborate. Expand.

When you and another work towards common betterment, the collaborative effect is greater then the sum of its parts.

1 + 1 ≤ 3