Michael's Musings

Ending 2018

December 10, 2018December 10, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Universe

To close out 2015, I had been listening to Inside Acting, a podcast out of LA. Their end-of-year episode did a year-in-review, and they gave focus words for 2016. I decided that I would do that as well.

For 2016 my focus words were distance and serenity.

Honestly I was met with mixed success. In Feb. 2016 my engagement ended. I did put distance between me and “here”, and spent a month wandering around the UK and Ireland. I returned, and spiraled into what I wrote about, my Dark Night of the Soul. I don’t know that I’ve fully comprehended the enormity of that period in my life. I feel that maybe serenity would/could have arisen out of it.

However, I left my job, moved, and started carving out new places in for me to live my life.

For 2017, I did not wish for any words to transform my life. Nor for 2018.

Now, though, I realize that it’s time to change how I’m doing things. How I’m living life. When I put distance and serenity out into the Universe, the Universe answered. Frighteningly so.

So, mere days away from my 35th birthday, and preparing to ring in 2019, I’m prepared to ask of the Universe another change of pace.

My two words, which will be my focus and energy for 2019, are:

Success
Harmony

Asking for these things, I put no expectation of result. I certainly wouldn’t have anticipated the ways in which my words for 2016 were received or acknowledged. However this coming year plays out, I trust in the results and will remain focused on living my life in the now.

Halloween, post mortem

November 12, 2018November 12, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Growing up

As I’ve said before, October tends to be one of my busiest months of the year. I like October. I like Halloween, I like a bit of the season change. And I like keeping busy, finding things to do during that month.

Here around Orlando there’s always plenty to do, and I visited Halloween Horror Nights at Universal, as well as the Food and Wine Festival at Epcot. Halloween Horror Nights has been an annual tradition of mine for around 20 years – since my mom used to bring me as a child.

I’ve been fascinated by the macabre for as long as I can remember. That equates to reading selections, horror film-watching (everything except torture porn), and delving into mythologies surrounding the frightening mysteries of the world.

That is in part why I like October as much as I do.

Why it’s so busy, though – this year I was wrapping a show, working another, and trying to make my way to HHN (about weekly) to get as much value as I can from my pass. I make myself busy, I’ll admit.

Last year there was a show as well, at least rehearsals for it, and also I was working in Georgia for several weeks. Now, my work is focused mainly on taking meetings and making contacts – so, not as bad on the actual schedule.

This Halloween, I also took a stroll down memory lane, revisiting holiday programs I had watched as a child: Witch’s Night Out; The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t; Tiny Toons’ Night Ghoullery. Halloween is good for tradition. Making a tradition of decorating, watching scary movies or family frightening entertainment, and giving out candy. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are good holidays for tradition, and the October season starts it.

Thus I keep in the tradition of having a busy October. A slower November. This week I fly down to Costa Rica, so the next update will be from Central America.

Going forward

November 5, 2018November 5, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Writing

For the time being, committing to one day a week blog posting. Probably Mondays.

Feeling slightly reinvigorated after several weeks of lethargy and, to be honest, mild depression. I think the season sometimes weighs on me. Later this month will be the eight-year anniversary of the crash that took my grandmother. One of the defining moments of my life, and I believe that each year brings some relief, but with it new challenges.

I wanted to write about Halloween, and will later. A bit of a post mortem (no pun intended). I think it’s one of my favorite holidays, but I’m such a fan of most holidays that it’s hard to choose one favorite (Thanksgiving is one I’m on the fence about).

A couple other future posts include one on horror movies, the long-awaited reading lists (RA Salvatore, Patrick Rothfuss, and Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, to name a few), The Adventure Zone, my experiences in radio broadcasting, and some various theatrical experiences.

So, I’ll leave it there for today. I’ve started writing my morning pages again, a la Julie Cameron. When the seasonal affectations begin, it’s sometimes difficult to maintain focus. But, as has happened in the past, I slack off, then I pick back up. This is my meandering thought process anyway, and I find it best to write when the mind necessitates it.

Some time away

October 24, 2018October 23, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Writing

Took time away from writing. From reading. Mostly.

Stepped away from commitments, to focus more on myself.

Still not quite there.

Work has been a large part of my time. As has some volunteer activities. Eight weeks devoted to the musical Little Women, followed by three weekends of Jekyll & Hyde the musical.

I’m tired. I feel like I’m not resting enough. And my mind swirls all the time.

Next month I’ll be in Costa Rica for a week. Hopefully that will be enough refreshing time. Either way, it’s time to get back to work.

Growth mindset

September 11, 2018September 11, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Advice

The world is not a zero sum game. We all work towards our own self interest, but not necessarily at the expense of another’s goals.

Ask yourself – is what you’re doing benefiting only you? If it is, look for methods to include others. Collaborate. Expand.

When you and another work towards common betterment, the collaborative effect is greater then the sum of its parts.

1 + 1 ≤ 3

Untitled

September 7, 2018September 7, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Poetry

A freckled face was her distress,
You’d think her own, but you’d be wrong.
She’d swear up and down she’d ate enough,
That all was well, but don’t they all?

Beneath the surface she hides the truth
Of years of pain and loss.
She wore her smile like a shield,
A shield that shine in the sun’s warmth.

Then, alone, the smile would fade.
Sometimes tears, and other times,
Silence.

Years had passed, and still
Time did little to ease her suffering.
A hidden hurt that no one could know.
The mirror was her enemy then,

Unable to look at the her looking back.
But from that, those knowing eyes
Piercing inward, her stomach could not take it.
She swore she ate enough.

And looking up, she’d wash her face.
Her freckles would spark those moments.
Alone, she smiles. A sad smile.

It doesn’t take long for it to fade.
Tears. Or silence.
She hates the silence.
And she misses that face.

Stop throwing grenades

September 4, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Advice

I know in the past I have talked about energy in life, that can be used as a grenade or as a rocket. If the two were to have the same amount of potential force, the grenade’s footprint would be a spherical area, relatively small.

The rocket, on the other hand, would have a singular trajectory, propelled a much greater distance.

How can we direct our energy towards that one singular point?

Goals. Without goals, all we’re doing is lobbing grenades. A grenade makes a quick, forceful impact, but you’re limited in scope.

The rocket gets you places.

Purpose

August 31, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Universe

A podcast host said in a recent episode that I was listening to that “there are over one-hundred fifty-thousand books on Amazon about how to find your way in life.”

Are we truly that lost? I mean, granted, at times I feel as if I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. We all do. But, we’re it.

The bird doesn’t question what it means to be a bird. It doesn’t wonder as to the meaning of its flight. It just flies.

Man alone questions the nature of existence, and our place in the world.

That is our blessing. And our curse.

On personal struggles

August 28, 2018 by MAÔ, posted in Advice

A volunteer situation shed some light on a personal situation recently, as well as the significance of those “gut decisions”.

In the volunteering situation, there was an issue of some debate over a matter of a money shortage. First off, I knew that something felt wrong, but I couldn’t quite articulate what about it was off. The perception I had was incorrect, but not for the reason it actually was.

It was shortsighted of me to not explore all possibilities, but the one assumption I had fit so perfectly I couldn’t get past it. Only when I stopped, and investigated where the money wasn’t adding up did I realize – look in a separate bucket. Thus, the shortage was resolved. The two issues were unrelated, though occurring at once.

Thus, when trying to facilitate a family matter I did my best to explore other possibilities. Unfortunately this family member that I was trying to help was unwilling to stop and investigate, maintaining her assumptions and ostracizing herself.

We all go through those times when we believe something so fervently that we are unable to explore any other rationale. But, there may be two issues overlapping, and even when have a gut feeling (often a true intuitive instinct), we may be blind to that secondary issue – preventing us from coming to the best possible outcome.