Tag: grief

Grief

by MAÔ, posted in Pathfinding

I began keeping this blog (the second or third time) as an outlet for expressing grief, while on my spiritual journey. At the time I wasn’t sure where I was going.

Mostly I still feel that way. But the complicated grief that I was struggling with has mostly faded away. Grief is an unusual thing – I like the saying by Jamie Anderson: “grief is just love with no place to go.”

Grief-Ive-learned

A lot of grief feels that way. Wishing my grandmother was here. Or working out the issues from my failed engagement. And now saying goodbye to my fur baby. Grief can be overwhelming. And it can be enlightening.

I just have to keep telling myself to “lean in”.

Tinkerbell

by MAÔ, posted in Thoughts

I had to say good bye to a friend this weekend. A friend of fifteen years. My cat Tinkerbell, aka Num Nums. I’d had her since 2004, and from house to house, job to job, she’d been my constant. 

She was an asshole. Everyone thought so, because she was. She was moody, more so than a typical cat. I refused to declaw her, because after she was spayed she hid under the bed for three days and wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t bring myself to cause any pain to come to her, so I left her claws in. I got scratched because of it, but not as much as some of my friends and family did.

Fifteen years she meowed at me, letting me know she needed food, or water, or that she had left me a hairball. She constantly went places she shouldn’t go, and I’d have to track her down – hoping I didn’t get fresh scratches. 

When I brought the dog home to meet her, she could care less. She had her space, and she’d tolerate him well enough. But she batted him in the nose more than once.

She passed peacefully in her sleep on Friday, and it’s just not the same without her.