Starting over

It isn’t easy to start over. We build a lot of momentum heading towards – something. When it abruptly ends, we’re left without much of a direction. It can be a job, a relationship, a university major, or something else entirely.

So how do you regain perspective?

First, take stock of what you do have. Skills, a safety net, family and friends.
Next, figure out where you’d like to go, what you’d like to learn – any new experiences you’d like to try.
Then, take the first step in that direction.

It sounds simple, and I understand that it’s not. But great distances are crossed one step at a time.

On the road

“…and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a common place thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes, “Awww!”

Jack Kerouac

About seven years ago I wrote this quote in one of my journals. I was reading On the Road, and it stood out – both for the way it was written, and what was behind the words.

I’ve often found myself in the company of madness. The amazing personalities that can eclipse any other in a room. From time to time, I’ve had my own followers as well, for I have had my own share of burning.

There’s a time to rest, and a time to rocket skyward. Which time are you in now?

Expansion

In my calendar, I try to segment by color what it is I’m doing. Work. Gigs. Side jobs. Health and exercise. I’ve got a calendar header titled Expansion, and it tends to be my most exciting one.

Anything that grows who I am falls under this header. It can be as simple as reading time, or as extensive as travel or getting my SCUBA certification. When the other calendar entries look too heavy, I make time for Expansion. Because if we’re not growing, we’re just dying.

Grief

I began keeping this blog (the second or third time) as an outlet for expressing grief, while on my spiritual journey. At the time I wasn’t sure where I was going.

Mostly I still feel that way. But the complicated grief that I was struggling with has mostly faded away. Grief is an unusual thing – I like the saying by Jamie Anderson: “grief is just love with no place to go.”

Grief-Ive-learned

A lot of grief feels that way. Wishing my grandmother was here. Or working out the issues from my failed engagement. And now saying goodbye to my fur baby. Grief can be overwhelming. And it can be enlightening.

I just have to keep telling myself to “lean in”.

Back to Form

It was 2015, and I started doing The Artist’s Way. What I was expecting, I’m not sure. I just knew that something wasn’t working for me.

That New Year’s, on a white board at work, I wrote this:

BACK TO FORM – 2016

That’s it. I believed that it would take me somewhere creative. Somewhere in touch with what I wanted, as well as what I needed.

A relationship ended. Another started. Depression hit. I left my job, travelled to Europe, and moved out of my house.

That was in the first six months.

Whatever siren song back to form was, it shook up every aspect of my life. All the cobwebs that were creeping in.

Sometimes, when you’re not really certain what you’re asking for – you get just that.

Back to form.