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A freckled face was her distress,
You’d think her own, but you’d be wrong.
She’d swear up and down she’d ate enough,
That all was well, but don’t they all?

Beneath the surface she hides the truth
Of years of pain and loss.
She wore her smile like a shield,
A shield that shine in the sun’s warmth.

Then, alone, the smile would fade.
Sometimes tears, and other times,
Silence.

Years had passed, and still
Time did little to ease her suffering.
A hidden hurt that no one could know.
The mirror was her enemy then,

Unable to look at the her looking back.
But from that, those knowing eyes
Piercing inward, her stomach could not take it.
She swore she ate enough.

And looking up, she’d wash her face.
Her freckles would spark those moments.
Alone, she smiles. A sad smile.

It doesn’t take long for it to fade.
Tears. Or silence.
She hates the silence.
And she misses that face.

Stop throwing grenades

I know in the past I have talked about energy in life, that can be used as a grenade or as a rocket. If the two were to have the same amount of potential force, the grenade’s footprint would be a spherical area, relatively small.

The rocket, on the other hand, would have a singular trajectory, propelled a much greater distance.

How can we direct our energy towards that one singular point?

Goals. Without goals, all we’re doing is lobbing grenades. A grenade makes a quick, forceful impact, but you’re limited in scope.

The rocket gets you places.

On personal struggles

A volunteer situation shed some light on a personal situation recently, as well as the significance of those “gut decisions”.

In the volunteering situation, there was an issue of some debate over a matter of a money shortage. First off, I knew that something felt wrong, but I couldn’t quite articulate what about it was off. The perception I had was incorrect, but not for the reason it actually was.

It was shortsighted of me to not explore all possibilities, but the one assumption I had fit so perfectly I couldn’t get past it. Only when I stopped, and investigated where the money wasn’t adding up did I realize – look in a separate bucket. Thus, the shortage was resolved. The two issues were unrelated, though occurring at once.

Thus, when trying to facilitate a family matter I did my best to explore other possibilities. Unfortunately this family member that I was trying to help was unwilling to stop and investigate, maintaining her assumptions and ostracizing herself.

We all go through those times when we believe something so fervently that we are unable to explore any other rationale. But, there may be two issues overlapping, and even when have a gut feeling (often a true intuitive instinct), we may be blind to that secondary issue – preventing us from coming to the best possible outcome.

Under the wire

Typing in bed, as I realize that I didn’t finish my monthly reading report. And the clock is ticking down to midnight. And I needed to post something asap.

Been busy, of course. But that’s not the reason for the delay. It’s just been an interesting month for books – this past July. (Are we in August already? What the Hell happened? It seems just yesterday that I was ringing in 2018…)

So, as I countdown to a new midnight, and a new day (if not a new year), I’m reminding myself, and all thirty-five of you readers, to get out there and do the work! Even if sometimes you’re not sure at all what the Hell you’re doing!

Heat

The energy of the Universe,
The speed of particles hurling through space –
Through our planet, our trees, our bodies:
Fire within and without.

One spark ignites, blazing hot,
Turning all form to ash.
That which fire does not burn:
time tends to that destruction.

If fire is the giver and taker of life,
Time is the doler of justice,
for time of life or fire.
And what is left cannot burn.

Heat is the awaiting combustion,
A creative and elemental force,
Unbridled in its curiosity and fervor –
Ever wandering in and among our spirit.

We feel the temperature of the sun;
the burns of flame and fire.
We know the warmth of summer’s day
and the safe enclosures in winter’s heart.

But so few have accessed the heat of creation,
The first flames licking life into mud and stone.
Those with such knowledge are genius,
or madmen, for it is blessing or curse.

Many more seek it, not knowing.
Asking question after question,
Hoping to receive an answer.
Not knowing they ask the question to the answer.

Seek, and ye shall find.
Knock and it shall be opened.
Who knows the way to Cold Mountain?
What do you carry with you, other than yourself?

Heat burns – can give or take.
But it is only the essence.
It is only everything, as it is nothing.
Those who speak know not; who know, speak not.

Poetry’s resurgence

I just finished writing about a life post-poetry, and was in Target browsing the meager book section. A book section with some shelf space devoted to books of poetry. Poetry! (Also, the Spanish language Cat in the Hat, which I very nearly purchased because… why not?)

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Given my meager Spanish, I doubt I could even understand it…

So, poetry. At Target. And thus I’m reminded of the growing poetry sections at Barnes & Noble. That poetry is still relevant has never been in question. But that poetry is seeing new consumption, that is the wonderful element to the story.

 

Post-poetry

Have we moved past the age of poetry?
The verse that speaks most to us
is from an age gone by,
and as our language escapes us,
it seems less likely for us
to make use of the words
in the ways that the poets had.

We speak now in limited vocabularies,
forever adding words
To our dictionaries
but removing so many others
from our usage.
We stagger through life hindered
By our shrinking lexicons,
so suddenly incapable of
conveyance and appreciation
of language.

That it would be Gutenberg’s folly
To propel us in the ages of technology
While the actual inventions of his genius
Wither and rot to our consciousness.

Books no longer bound by conventions,
Electronic, delivered to illumined screens
and forgotten.
Words, too, sit unused, unheard,
Save for ramblings of intellectuals and
Essays, long-formed and mostly unread.

Where do unspoken words go?
What graves guard the deceased syllables
of prose and poetry?
When the world reduces its collective rhetoric
to mere utterances, what remains?

Learning to play

My great-grandfather George Heron was a professional golfer. My grandmother was an avid golfer most of her life, and my grandfather was a golf course superintendent. My father as well played, though hasn’t for some time.

I shoot like I’m swinging a baseball bat. It’s rather jarring how bad I am at the sport. However, it wasn’t something I was raised in. I didn’t learn about George H. until I was a teenager, at least. By that point, not ever having held a club, it’s easy to ascertain why it would be so difficult for me now. I haven’t played in a year, and that was just once in 2017.

So, out I go again. What I last wrote about frequency applies to golf as well, and there may be times when I ask clients out for a morning on the links. Though it’s okay for them to beat me, I don’t need to spend my paychecks on replacing all the golf balls I lost.

On frequency

“Frequency makes starting easier. Getting started is always a challenge. It’s hard to start a project from scratch, and it’s also hard each time you re-enter a project after a break. By working every day, you keep your momentum going. You never have time to feel detached from the process. You never forget your place, and you never need to waste time reviewing your work to get back up to speed or reminding yourself what you’ve already done. Because your project is fresh in your mind, it’s easy to pick up where you left off.” – Gretchen Rubin

Where I find myself after every time that I take a break from writing. Blog, journal, whatever. One project I was excited to work on this year was a book on film craft, and I’m six months overdue on the projects I had planned.

I think it’s a common struggle for creatives – the real world difficulties that creep up. And, scope creep. Of life. Saying yes to projects that may hold a small level of interest, but should be said no to so that focus can be given to the truly meaningful tasks.

I’ve improved my “No” skills, but still not to the point that I need them to be. And as long as I fill my time with those “yes” things, I’ll reduce the time I have available for frequency.

To study

My life is a rolling, rollicking mess. It’s not what I would have chosen for myself, but there are few things I would change.

I’m a student, trapped in my cell of a dorm and buried under a pile of homework with seventeen research papers coming due.

My core classes are finance, relationship studies, home economics, nutrition and psychology. My electives are philosophy, history, and yes, even writing.

I’m a student of life, as we all are. I’m no longer enrolled at University, but I still learn. There are stacks of books piled around my room, and I juggle them, figuring what to read and what to store away for later.

Right now, business is winning. I’m delving into classics that I have lying around: The AskEngage Now!, and Achieving Excellence in Fundraising. I’ve returned to the nonprofit sector after a year’s hiatus, and it’s been a whirlwind.

So, study I must!