Author: MAÔ

Somehow, we’ve managed another year. Already to the holidays. Tomorrow is Black Friday, and shopping is already underway for what will likely be an expensive holiday season.

At the time of writing this, I’m not sure where I’ll be. I’ll have just finished one gig, a quick reshoot for an HBO show. (Just typing that makes me so uncertain as to whose life I’m actually living). I’ll have another couple of weeks of wrapping out the Fox show I’ve been working on since August.

This is personally a hard day, as on this day eleven years ago my grandmother died. I don’t talk about it much. The facts of it come up from time to time, but the emotions behind it… Those I keep locked away. Not sure if it’s the healthiest, but I’m also not sure if it isn’t.

I like to believe that I came to terms with it a while ago. In the aftermath of my engagement falling apart, I feel that I gained a lot of insight. Most of the person I am now, at least in choices and lifestyle, is a result of that time, back in 2016. It was that point that also allowed me to let go of some of the guilt of losing my grandmother.

I guess in port in the storm will do.

Not that I mean to dredge it up here, or riff on it for too long. But it is fresh in my mind this November, as this is the first time that Thanksgiving has fallen on the 25th since she passed in 2010. 

We lose a lot, living life. I think sometimes we forget what really matters. We push forward so hard to succeed, to be someone that can be seen as having achieved their goals. In the end, I guess I’m just thankful to the family and friends in my life who’ve been there through the good times and the bad. To the ones who consistently remind me that I’m cared for, no matter how much distance separates us, or how much time passes since we’ve seen each other.

And, as not to forgo tradition, here’s this little chestnut.

Cities seem to be living things. They have arteries that course with lifeblood. They have central nervous systems, interconnected thoroughfares, electronic signals, and hubs that control the whole of it. But they aren’t quite alive… not really.

I’ve been thinking of the anthropomorphization of cities since reading Harry Carr’s comments about LA vs. San Francisco from the LA Times in 1923. He described Los Angeles as a white bull terrier; San Fran as a Russian wolf hound. 

I’ve yet to go to San Francisco, but, for me, LA is a fox. It’s beautiful, evasive, and quick. It’s hard to pin down, and loves to play. It can also be dangerous, under the right circumstances. But hidden behind the fangs and claws, small, sharp, and deadly, is a wit and cleverness that makes it exalted among all the other animals.

Most mornings I wake up (grudgingly), make my bed, shamble into the kitchen, pull out a protein shake from the fridge, then drink it down. I’ll brush my teeth, get into gym wear, and stir myself a pre-workout. If I hadn’t done dishes the night before, I’ll do them at this point. 

It’s off to the gym, where I’ll stay from an hour to an hour-and-a-half. Then it’s back to the condo, another protein shake, this one made in the blender, and then I’ll change and head to work. Work is roughly a 13-hour day, though I’ll have an hour lunch midway through. They also provide breakfast, two hot snacks, and many other assorted snacks. I split my team between answering emails/taking meetings in the office, and on set checking in on my team. 

Once we wrap, I head home, have a beer, try and do dishes, read a bit, shower, and then off to bed. That’s the bulk of the last two months here in sunny Los Angeles.

The months tick down, 1, 2, 10, 11. Suddenly, we’re in to the Holiday Season. Suddenly two years of COVID has passed. So much has changed, and the world keeps moving forward.

Every morning I wake up, get ready for work, make my way to set. I’ve been fortunate to stay so busy this year. The last two years have been full of financial ups and downs, and yet we still manage somehow to carry on.

Keeping up momentum is difficult at times. For me, it can be usually difficult, if not impossible. With the right structure, even I can maintain a practice. Such as work, exercise, or meditation. But I need the structure. Without it, it all falls apart.

I haven’t been writing. Well, posting. Every time I sit down, my thoughts seem half-formed. I wouldn’t necessarily call it writer’s block, as I am writing. However, it doesn’t feel like I have much to say. It’s a few sentences here, a couple more there, then I walk away. But, I will eventually sit down to write more.

There are things I’m considering – money and pay (almost always); safety on set; health and fitness; certain West Coast vs. East Coast differences; October, being always busy, somehow; and a myriad of other topics.

So, for this first post in three weeks, this is something I’ve been enjoying lately. Spooky mini-stories: iHeartRadio’s 13 Days of Halloween. If you listen, enjoy. And keep a light on.

It’s hard to believe that we’re already approaching the final months of 2021. Everything over the past two years has seemed a bit of a fever dream, and still, time marches on.

We don’t really know where we’ll be when tomorrow comes. We expect. We plan for. We’re hopeful. But it all comes with uncertainty. It’s a bit of the unknown that creeps into our consciousness.

I suppose it’s just surprising that so much can happen in two years, and yet it still feels like the blink of an eye. When it comes down to it, all we really have is today, and what we make of it.

There was a show I recall seeing, many years ago now. In one episode, I’m pretty sure the protagonist had somehow brought about perfection in the world. However, everything went to pot by the end, even though it was this supposedly perfect world.

His son tells him, this main character, that maybe a perfect world is actually an imperfect one, because then everyone willing will try to improve it bit by bit. 

And so I wonder, what does a perfect world actually look like? Is it one where we have everything we need? Or everything we want? Or one that we strive to improve upon what already exists? 

In Japanese, wabi sabi means perfection in imperfection – to understand the beauty in something because it is flawed, not in spite of it. 

There’s no answer to this one, just a curiosity as to what is perfection in this world.

Somehow it’s fall already. The leaves are changing, the temperatures dropping, and what is likely my favorite time of year is here. Also, traditionally very busy for me.

This year, all year, has been busy, filled with tv and film production and some travel for work. 

People have been waiting for a return to normalcy, or an adaptation to the ‘new normal’. But, you get to set your own standards. What is normal for you is not necessarily normal for anyone else. And vice versa. 

There’s never any certainty in tomorrow, but what we have is today. And what we do with it is up to us.

Goals are there for you to hone your focus. In the absence of a goal, you may be unsure of which direction to head. 

Having a goal not only gives direction to your pursuits, but also motivation to achieve your goal.

It’s all that’s needed. One, just one. And where it comes from, what brings that insight… that’s the exciting part. Because insight can quite literally come from anywhere or anyone.